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marchonaprils

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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2008|03:27 am]
livejournal is so much easier than blogspot.
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(no subject) [May. 28th, 2008|05:38 am]
i cannot let you go, no i cant. we extended our sensitivity to one another, yet the bottomline is still you gotta go. going for her, i cant withstand all these dramas at all when im always pretending oh i can take it, it doesnt matters anymore.  you dont want me there because you still love me, you found somebody else.

now where was i again?

i love you so much, i really hate you.
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good day youall. [May. 17th, 2008|05:27 pm]
[Current Mood | calm]

checkered day today for urica's bash.

facial was marvellous, i laughed real hard at what happened. my fren banged the glass door, i laughed like mad. hahahha, til today its still funny to me.
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someone to sing to me. [May. 10th, 2008|04:58 am]
[Current Mood | sleepy]

it's just so hard, sometimes only the people around us know better than we all do. 
the people around us see a clearer picture of whats happening. you wont know. 
but hearing and seeing is not believing. feeling is believing.
w: its tired to wait, but when you see the sun-setting horizon after waiting, isnt it beautiful?

you turned into my leaning tower of pisa, and you show how much you cared. now im really afraid i cant live without you. now, until im finally able to, you will be there. i know. (: you will be my darkest secret, til then. 
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a simple affair. [May. 4th, 2008|06:09 am]
i love you, haji.
i love you when the yous get all simple, and nice all the same.
it just hit me that what U said is true, i dont have to change for anybody, but only only for myself.
thank you for not knowing me, and then knowing me, believing in me for somethings that you all know best and i dunno.
sometimes its good not wanting to know, but knowing helps you grow up in life.
D told me something i rather not know, but now that i know actually it doesnt affect me that much, because i trust mydarling so much more than i would wanna doubt her at all. i like it for the fact that d decided to tell me things that i really needed to know. ah, the pain relief sweets really relieved all pain. HAHA.
sbf finally decided to trigger me, and then made me feel triggered and knowing sbf did that to me alr, and to stop me from feeling triggered at all, sbf punched me real hard, tourtured me bigtime, i really felt the pain, stop doing what im doing and then fell asleep. sbf's so real so always the same, never fails to make me laugh my ass off for the things sbf always do to me, or planning to do to me, but not suprising sbf will scold me all the time and get irritated talking to me cos sometimes i selective hear and sbf found out and sbf just head to sleep. so cool, i like.
stay true. bye and fark off and die to all those cunning and complicated people. god take away something cos hes preparing to give you something even better, i always believe in.

im going for facial tom, i cant wait to relax myself and feel better.
and i hope superloveahfan wont be so sad.
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let there be love. [Apr. 30th, 2008|02:04 am]
[Current Mood | calm]

people like you make me tear cos i was so touched, so glad that i found you guys. even when you people seemed so far away but actually you are really one phone call away to ask me how's life, you guys made me tear, tear for the fact that its okay to feel like shit sometimes cos shit happens and that i have you guys, you guys so much of unconditional love so much tender care so much of everything happy, and will never forsake me, im fortunate. and now being happy isnt everything, life struck me hard, it finally has taken a tow on me. it's always when i fall, can you even count the number of times i fall in life, my world falls apart i see the bigger picture, i see whats real and whats not. although i knew you guys are the friends i know for all my life you will never go. but somehow it just saddens me those people that i love as much as i do to you all are drifting away. these people i thought i grew up with, i heard they will go. as much as i really dont want them to go, im afraid they will one day, or maybe they already are leaving, i dunno. you know those same old routine we used to never never ever grow tired of doing, now everyone grew out of it. everybody wants to know the world, and this is it, everyone change, it will never be the same again. its even harder to get over this, harder than getting over a relationship because the quality time spent together comparing to having a bf and then getting over it, its more. more than words, more than just crying over it, more than feeling it, more than anything else in the world. sometimes i feel, this might be karma, bad karma slapped across my face this hard, i am going to die and but i cant die. all these are just so complex, so complicated i wanna get out of it, but i really dont want to know that we are all changing. 

magicalsoh & ali, i love you all. you guys are the most magically amazing thing that have happened in my life. its a magic. its our magicalsecret. 
moses,cinda,lurvies, unconditional love forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. i really dun have to say much.
wangahfan&mysecretbestfren, my best listeners ever ever ever ever, so much loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
mel the attitudetwin, deeplove too.
marcusthemosthandsomebesstttttttttttiesssssssstbitch i have ever had in my entire life, deep love too.
to nash and to all the others in my world, the girls, the boys, everyone in my life, lots of love too.

THANKYOU, from the deepest part of me.
and i really miss fattychou&cinda. i miss huiting. i miss edwin. i miss all those times. now i really hate photos, i hate all the happy memories, because everything is gone. isnt it? i hate to believe this is life.

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(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2008|10:14 pm]
its easy to let people in, its hard to let some people go. but people come and people go, its a cycle. its life, life's tough.
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FHA. [Apr. 29th, 2008|08:08 pm]
[Current Mood | sick]

i had so much fun working with the girls, the enodis people. the luckiest thing was to see my harry's boss there, and then asking for my PAY! damn.

and for that past week, everything we ate was good food, and free food. everything. from gelato, haato icecream, to fabristeel dope cupcakes, to seafood pizzas, to main courses of whole quail, to wahgyu beef, to dory fishes, to mussels, to buffet spread of pastries, mutton and beef briyani, everything anything,and drinking wines, pellegrino and panna, seeing how ppl just took one bottle and then throw, another bottle and then throw, it seems like its really free although its really free, unbelievable. the best of the best was the mutton, suprisingly, the mutton briyani is so yummy, we just kept eating and eating, and now im growing fat, and missing all the fun times there. the ppl we serve all clients from all over the world, from hotels to restaurants, from chinese to indos to germans, to americans. anything, seeing how the way the whites spoke in fluent chinese to deal with their clients, like it really make me wanna speak proper chinese. chefs from all over the world, look all serious and stern when after work they are actually so retardedly funnily fun ppl, even at work they were nice, chefs from phillipines/hongkong, korea, thailand, china, india, german, blababla, they really cook nice food. especially when i heard chef winkee is BEST at cooking scrambledecks, i couldnt help but laugh like mad, scrambledecks is his secretfood. and yes, so full, even the company dinner at some dopedope seafood place made me wanna vomit. i really tot i was going to die when i went out of breath, thank god magical ali took me to the doctor. phew.

i really tot i was going to die. seriously. too much good food doesnt mean feeling good in your body.
urgggggggg.

i will load the pictures later.
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where are you? [Apr. 28th, 2008|02:28 am]
[Current Mood | depressed]
[Current Music |it started with a mixx]

who are my friends?

somewhere in between no where.

and again, big girls dont cry.
im barely 19, spare me all these.
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(no subject) [Apr. 21st, 2008|10:59 am]
i was just trying very hard to be alright, to get better in time, to get over faster, but trying hard means falling faster and even harder. i shldnt even try. so i think if i die, the world would be so much better without me. how cool.
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i wished. [Apr. 20th, 2008|08:27 am]
[Current Mood | depressed]

i woke up everyday in hope to know it's 8 of may, but i was still in my dreams. i woke up again.
im so tired i dont mind getting shoot down by  gun, if i have a gun i will shoot myself down first and the rest shall be pardon.

they say big girls dont cry.

D told us all guys cheat, good or bad. and good guys will always get bad girls, good girls will always get bad guys. so how true? i think he had a nightmare in the past for him to think like that. just kidding.

i think im somewhere in between something.

i wanna be an immortal, so that i will go to heaven and free myself of troubles, of feeling, of loving, of being loved, of anythingeverything you can ever think of, i still have my body, my soul, my mind, my limps, my senses, i would rather. but im a human, only human. human that is oh so complex. period.
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it was all in vain, only could watch ourselves leave. [Apr. 15th, 2008|06:13 pm]
[Current Mood | awake]

we girls were on the cab, and we started talking about something, agreeing and disagreeing at the same time. and then,

me: (trying to make sense when im barely 19) love is a simple word, when you love someone its simple, cos you love the person youre happy. hate is a simple word, when you hate someone you really hate them, no matter what you still hate. there isnt hate existing in love, there isnt love existing in hate. and so, if youre upset over somebody, it shows that you love and hate them at the same time and you dunno what you shld do. therefore you cry. its a contradiction when both love and hate comes together. isnt it right? if you wanna stop crying, you can divert your attention to one, choose between love or hate. both the hard way.
urica&yuan: giggling and laughing.
me: why you all laughing!!!!!!!!!!
urica: you are a lil meimei, but whatever you say is making sense. *laughing&laughing*

you see, i do make sense at times. im not a very nonsense girl. i convinced myself that i really make sense sometimes, but you this jackass just kept thinking whatever i say is bullshit, go eat your own shit. oh yeah.

we loved and failed each other. we were just the accidentals.
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out of my mind. [Apr. 14th, 2008|08:48 am]
[Current Mood | drained]

i dunno whats going on, my bestfren and marcus really want me dead and now they must be happy about me being dead way before time. i was so tired and sleepy ytd night i culdnt believe what happened if i am told what happened ytd night. must be something outrageous, if not i will not even lose my only earth-to-earth world-to-world soul. im really sleepy after waking up and now im drinking hot camomile to calm and soothe myself. OMFG, and i woke up only to remember bronson and lurvies and moses's number, i quite smart also. they might have been my speed dial, maybe all the time! haha! i should have just remember yuans number, oh my god! like i really know whats going on! and the thing is, i dun talk to strangers, something really outrageous must have happened, i really want to know! oh no!

despite the fact im anxious about everything, i feel like im dying, i feel like im dying i can hardly breath my heart feels so tight and all the running nose and migraines and gastricxacid juice, i really feel like shit. omg. my eyes can barely open now. sleep and bye.
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cut tongue slit throats. [Apr. 11th, 2008|04:02 am]
[Current Mood | sore]
[Current Music |better in time - leona lewis]

im feeling sore, i dun want to fall ill, but i feel sick.

sometimes i wont deny the fact that i think you are a lonely person, a lonely child, a child that just craves for attention, not exactly that way, but maybe you just needed a tower to lean on, to depend on. and when your tower falls, and when you can no longer lean on the tower, when you feel the tower's failing you or alr failed you, you just throw it away, and go for an expedition just to look for another one. you wanted your best tower. no, im not thinking bad of you. sometimes i just think youre lonely. lonely in way, somebody will want to shower you care and concern. your covering up of loneliness makes me wanna sympathize with you more. i dunno if im right, or am i wrong about it. these are all assumptions though.
so in other words, you are just emotionally needy. and but i have never ask about it.
im so random, somehow this thought have been in me for quite sometime.

words, feelings and actions are all different things. words can be mean, feelings can be emotional, actions can be altered. if i get to choose, it would be feelings. they cant be altered or mean. its honest true and pure. being emotional isnt a bad thing either.

see, i think im getting a lil better. live and let live, isnt it? i will get better. i sure will. its just a matter of time. i know what i want, but i stop myself becos of fear. im afraid of everything. i really am.
time is passing so quickly im afraid before im at my bestest, it would be a year. its may soon. i dread it.
but on a lighter note,
:) i cant wait to work, i cant wait for later, i cant wait for weekends to come. though i dun have anything to do, but i really anticipate weekends. i appreciate weekends too. means break time even though im having the longest break ever now.
im going villabali with dearestdearestlurvies on sun to visit thelovelybitch marcus. i cant wait really. but then again, it would be a monday soon.

goodnight! later will be a better day. im sure tgif wasnt given for nothing. i will be happy, now i sleep happy i wake happily. yes i sure will. bye!

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sorry yallllllllllll. [Apr. 8th, 2008|03:44 am]
im waiting for poovan's approval so that i can have the permission to post what she said here. so you wait.

right now, whoever whatever unhappiness i let it go, i forgive the world, cos apparently thats what i do best. i can even forgive the most craziest bitch in the world i can forgive the whole entire universe maybe one one person. but then what makes ppl think i cant forgive the world, the world thats full of ppl i love, ppl that loves me, ppl who hates me, ppl whom i dislike initially, ppl who pisses me off, ppl whos pissed off with me, ppl who are so egotistic, ppl whos ridiculous, ppl whos outrageous. ppl who thinks im ridiclous and outrageous, anyone, everyone, i forgive. yes after tonight, after i sleep and wake i make sure everything will be okay. so yes.

yes, youre all forgiven, i shall be forgiven also if i suck. so yes, i dun care. im sorry if i suck too for those times i really think i suck. okay, cool. :)))))))

met up with marcusmylovelybitch, he rocks becos he told me why he felt that me and exbf rocks, becos our attitude's rockingly outrageous. okay super cool, he treated me to hes self-created shots. 4 in total, what makes it so cool its that you have to drink in order. it comes in a pair. first one is so hot, the second one's so cold. you know you know. i like. ahhaha, and he listened to my nonsense, i listened to him bitch. hahahhahaah. okay, its been so long since i last met him, and ytd was a blast even if its just a short while. the next time we are going to meet up after having a good sleep. yes, will be anticipating it and i will drag dearest lurvies along.

thank you mosey. xoxo.
thank you alicia. xoxo.
thank you cinda. xoxo.
thank you marcus. xoxo.
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(no subject) [Apr. 5th, 2008|06:44 pm]
because i have never been upset so badly, i feel like dying.

laugh and the world laugh with you, weep and you weep alone.
rejoice and the men will seek you; grieve and they turn and go.
there are none to decline wine, but alone you must drink life's gall.
feast and your halls are crowded, fast and the world goes by.
there is room for pleasure, but one by one we must all go through the narrow aisles of pain.
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you will know it when you do. [Apr. 3rd, 2008|02:39 am]
[Current Mood | morose]

:'(

i know it wont be me, but one day you will finally understand, you will be in my shoes knowing everything, feeling everything.
and one fine day, i will understand that its okay to not have you around.
but this one fine day seems to take ages to come.

( its love. )
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bleeding love. [Apr. 1st, 2008|11:48 pm]
finally i completed my gp, yesyesyes. with the help from the unexpecteds, damian justin and jerome and jerome the second. hahahah, omg, i felt so good after handing it earlier today.

and now back to chalet, so suprisingly we didnt expect of all places, changi village to have wireless at all. we struggled through the night doing the essay without using the net, and now pooooofffff, wireless enabled. whaoooooo. they were all giving that fark faces. mmm.

and you know what the most special thing about this chalet? is that we ate mr steak and dory fishes for maincourse, and imademyselfsalad, and then have satays for dessert. how cool. &we will chill our nights away. thats peace, and pure bliss.

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even the best falls down sometime [Mar. 31st, 2008|06:32 am]
we all girls believe in love, believe in what we're holding on to, isnt it the way it is? we arent stupid, we just believe in things you might not believe in.

sometimes, no most of the time, curiousity kills. suddenly i heard things i dont think i could digest in just one night. i felt cheated, i got cheated-as usual, as always. this is part of life - life sucks man.
isnt it better not to know? at least its tainted, no the earlier i know the better, i wont fall into it again. okay, thats it.

i felt disordered again. ewww.

have been giving a miss to hanging out lately, i really dunno what have gotten into me, like sleepy and tired every single day after the rush of the farking gp, its been 2 weeks man. everyday go home. but its good cos i have never been better eversince youknowhat. and its hitting 4months, im not done. when will the time ever come?

i miss lurviesdearest and shes the first person i text right after i topuped my card. mmm, and it feels great to msn with cindadearest with a webcam! at least it made my night better, im more at ease now. oh so great. but i dunno how to prnscr!!!!! noooooooooooooobbbbbbbbbbb. but im still having fun.



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stood so low. youre so cold. [Mar. 30th, 2008|04:07 am]
[Current Music |bones- killers.]

im just a girl thats probably stuck somewhere in btw, somewhere nowhere that refused refused refused to let it all go.

you wont cook maggie. you wont make sure im not starving. you wont off the tv for me. you wont off the lights for me. you wont cover the blanket for me. you wont watch my fav drama with me. you wont express your feelings. you wont ask me hows my day. you wont make sure you do what you say to me. you wont make sure i dont get upset over you. maybe these little things meant nothing to you. and maybe im just asking too much, maybe youre cool, but theres just so many things that you are too lazy to do for me, too sleepy, too exhausted, too painful, too sick, i really know. and but maybe im just nothing at all, maybe youre confused, maybe you dont bother anymore. what am i? really, what am i? maybe those days over at my place was merely a dream. then i would rather live in it. how can i make sure i will be fine? how can i make sure i shld be contented. how can i make sure i shldnt be afraid? but then again, its just another day. another day for me to hope, another day for me to live by my faith, another day for me to be strong, another day for me to fall, another day for me to think im happy, another day to be weak, another day to realise that things wont go whatever way i wished it to be. and, another day is gone. its the same old routine. just another day for me to anticipate dream career, dream marriage, dream house, dream car, dream gown, dream bags, dream room, dream shoes, dream true love. but they are all dreams and then closer to the end of life. what are those? merely dreams.
you were the first to many things in my life, so many first i got lost inside, and then, you were my first true love, i was never able to handle it. but you know what, eventually after everything my heart still stays true. you and only you. cos you were first, my first.

on a brighter note, i had 2 good dope meals after my last breakfastsetmeal - 1 ham, 2 sausages, 1 egg, 1 bread ytd afternoon. i was starving like mad since ytd night and only had my earliest meal at 5pm today. so cool. and it was dopedope korean food at fep basement. sexy korean rice cakes, spicy beef soup, seafood pancake, and i dunno what else, and 8 dishes of appetisers. ate til i was so full, and yet i got hungry again later at 10 plus. had jumbo seafood at eastcoast! was shannon and chouchou's bdae celebration. but the meal started at 12! terrible, and now at 4 plus am im still hungry. really. tsktsktsk.
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